To be honest, I’m not completely sure of what I’m doing. Am I “adult-ing” correctly? Who knows. But I am at twenty-three years and counting. Here’s what I learned in life so far:
1. Follow your passions and your gut
Having graduated college a mere six months ago, this is still fresh in my mind. Throughout college, I had no doubt about what I wanted to study, but I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with my life (still am). Do I go to medical school and make my parents happy? Do I go into consulting, because of the challenge and prestige and I know I would love it? Do I dare dabble in the media and entertainment industry? What do I do?
For me, I was scared— I didn't want to make the wrong decision. I watched my friends accept job offers in consulting, finance, and marketing, etc... Others were accepted to graduate, medical, or dental schools. Don't get me wrong, all are great next steps, but deep down, I knew none were the right option for me right now, but I just hadn't figured out what was.
I thought about the pros and cons of each option. I thought about where I wanted to be in a year, 5 years and in 15 years. I thought about where I wanted to live. I thought about what type of life I wanted to lead. And I realized that I just want to be happy. I don't think I have to have a clear path set in stone. I don't have to have it all figured out right now.
Chase your dreams, follow your gut. Eventually, things will work out.
2. be kind
You would think this is a no-brainer, but recently, I’ve come to realize this can be a little tricky. As a woman in the workplace, if you’re too kind, it can send wrong messages, that you’re too soft (qualitative)— it might hinder your professional advancements, or some people might think they can walk all over you. On the other hand, if you’re mean, you come off as bossy. So, it’s tricky finding that perfect balance. But I think it’s still worth finding it.
I think it’s always better to err on the side of being kind. Let people think what they will— that’s out of my control. Possessions will come and go. So will money, so will titles. Reputations and prestige can always be earned and lost. But people will never forget how you made them feel.
Being compassionate and being assertive are not mutually exclusive. So, be kind.
3. Always be comfortably uncomfortable
What do I mean? At this point in my life, I’m perfectly comfortable. I love my new city, new apartment, and new job. I can see how easy it would be for me to live like this forever (I’m exaggerating a little). But I know that this isn’t ultimately what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I know want to continue my education within the next few years. Where, when and how is that going to fit in? What am I doing to prepare? I always want to remember to think about what’s next for me. I want to have that tiny feeling of constant unease, which reminds me of what I should be working to achieve. Comfortably uncomfortable.
4. Don't be afraid to ask for help
To be completely honest, this one is still a little tough for me. I’m a relatively independent person. I like figuring out problems and getting things done. I’ve never liked asking people for help, simply because I thought I was going to bother them. Or it would make me seem weak. But in the last few years, I’ve seen that this definitely isn’t the case. Asking for help might bother some people sometimes, but more often than not, most people are willing to help you out. They’re happy to share their thoughts/ advice or help brainstorm possible solutions with you. And it doesn’t make you weak— you’re showing people that you know you’re human (and don’t know everything), you know your limits and you’re confident enough to seek further help.
Also, usually, it saves a lot of time.
5. people don't like excuses— so work hard and don't give them one
No one likes hearing someone else’s excuses: “It was late because…” “I didn’t know how to do…”… A lot of the time, these are valid excuses and situations that come up. However, I’ve learned that it’s better to simply work hard and do your best to eliminate these situations from even occurring. But this applies to you, too— don’t tell yourself excuses (you deserve better). No one is perfect and so obviously you’re still going to make mistakes and that’s okay. Just own up to it and apologize— that’s it!
6. have a short term memory
Okay, I don’t mean this literally. But what I mean is, everyone gets into conflicts, arguments and disagreements. People are going to annoy you and you are going to annoy other people. It’s natural and it’s healthy. But after you voice your opinion (don’t let it get too ugly), forget it and move on. I don’t mean “forget” and still have that passive-aggressive crap. Actually forget it— it happened and now it’s over. What's next.
7. compete against yourself and no one else
I’ve learned to keep my eyes on the prize. Don’t compare yourself to other people, their lives, their failures, or their achievements and try to compete with them. You’re only wasting your time; there’s always someone who is doing something better than you. Rather, spend that time reflecting and evaluating yourself: your failures, your goals, and your aspirations. Find ways to compete against yourself— you only make yourself better. You're saving time and improving yourself. It's a win-win.
8. no room for negative people
There’s just going to be people who aren’t good for you. People who only want to tear you down. These people might tell you that you’re not good enough. That you don’t work hard enough. That you’re too naïve to know anything. That you need to be “put in your place”.
To be perfectly clear, there’s a difference between constructive criticism and negativity. Constructive criticism is good— no one is perfect, so there’s always room for improvement. But, keep no room for negativity.
9. remember to have a life
Okay, but I’m serious. I now see how easy it is to get caught up in work. Don’t get me wrong, I like working. And I like working a lot. I don’t mind long hours, when it’s necessary. I like grinding and I thrive under pressure.
But, when I leave the office, I want to leave the office. I’m still young (relatively) and I want to remember that my job isn’t everything and it definitely shouldn’t define you. So, devote some time for just yourself. Make time for the things that matter— call your mom every week, hang out with friends, and take care of your health. Live your life.
10. Don't ever give up
If you think something is worth it, don’t ever give up on it. Fight to make it a reality. Work to achieve it. Any step, no matter how big or small, is a step forward. Never, ever give up.
